After a night at the bar your hunt is finally over, you’ve grabbed a sexy woman and have sweet talked your way into her affections. As the night wears on, you find that she’s not quite the complete package you thought she’d be. Maybe she’s actually really boring or can’t hold a conversation to save her life. Whatever the issue is, you don’t want to talk to her so much as simply get it on and be done with it. Once the deed is done, you want her out of your place… and fast.
Get Her out by Being a Gentleman
Depending on how well the sex went, after it’s done she may want to get going on her own, or she might be one of those cuddlers that wants to have some pillow talk. Luckily, it’s totally acceptable to get up and go to the bathroom to clean yourself off or pee. Take this time to disconnect yourself from her and when you come back, be a gentleman. Put on your boxers and a shirt and offer to walk her back to her car or give her a ride. This will put her in a position of having a comfortable exit while hopefully getting the hint that it’s time for her to leave. Even if things do feel a bit tense in the air, it’s not your fault. You’ve done your part to be the nice guy. If she really wants to stay with you, saying something now will obviously make her seem needy. This is the best route to take to not be an asshole while still getting laid.
Make up an Excuse
Oh goodness, look how late your horizontal limbo has taken you into the night. You have work in the morning! Proclaim it loudly after adding in a big yawn. Making the hint that you don’t have all night to keep having sex should give her a cue to go. If she’s really not giving in, tell her that you need to go to sleep now and you can call her a cab or something. Taking the nice guy route will always make the situation better. She’ll probably pick up that you’re not looking to spend the night with someone and want to leave anyway. It’s not pleasant sticking around where you’re not wanted.
Have a Backup Plan
None of the above strategies are working and it’s just been too long since you’ve finished up. Text a friend (subtly) and have them give you a call pretending to be in desperate need of a ride since they’ve consumed too much alcohol. This is one of the few instances where you can legitimately bull a “bro before hoe” and tell her that she’s just got to go. Drop her off at the bar if need be, and then quickly say your goodbyes. Any lingering around will only give her the idea that you really wished you could have spent the night with her.